Here’s something that’s been quietly frustrating leaders across industries. We invest in advanced leadership development, send our managers to workshops on vulnerability and emotional intelligence, and study the latest thinking on authentic leadership. Yet employee engagement scores barely budge, and additionally, turnover remains stubbornly high. What if the problem isn’t that we’re not doing enough? What if we’re skipping straight to graduate-level leadership while our teams are still waiting for Leadership 101?
Leadership keynote speaker Rachel DeAlto noticed this pattern repeatedly in her consulting work. Companies would bring her in to help leaders develop deeper emotional connections with their teams, but during her research, she discovered something unexpected. Employees weren’t asking for more vulnerability from their bosses or deeper emotional intelligence. They were asking for things that should already be automatic. Basic respect. Clear communication. The kind of trust that doesn’t require a three-day retreat to build.
Rachel decided to dig deeper, conducting research across multiple generations to understand what employees genuinely need from their leaders. The findings challenged nearly everything we’ve been told about modern leadership. Consequently, they offer a refreshingly practical roadmap for leaders at every level who want to create real impact without the buzzwords.
If you’re managing a team right now, whether you’re a first-time supervisor or a seasoned executive, this research might explain why some of your best leadership efforts haven’t landed the way you hoped. More importantly, it reveals what actually matters to the people you’re trying to lead.
📚 Watch and listen to the full interview about leadership insights here
Rachel’s research didn’t just survey one demographic or one industry. She went broad, specifically examining what employees across different generations actually want from their leaders. The assumption going in was that Boomers would want one thing, Gen X another, Millennials something different, and Gen Z something entirely new. After all, that’s what every generational leadership article tells us, right?
The results told a completely different story. “The one that surprised the heck outta me was the number one, all generations. So we broke it down with generations, and it was respect. People are looking for respect, and you know, I say it all the time. I’m like, I, I thought that was a given,” Rachel explains. Respect topped the list. Not for one generation. For all of them.
Think about that for a moment. In an era where we’re constantly told to customize our leadership approach for different age groups, the number one thing every generation wants is identical. They want to be treated with basic human respect. The fact that this surprised a professional development expert who works with leaders daily should tell us something important. We’ve assumed respect is a given in professional environments, but the data suggests otherwise.
The research revealed something else equally significant. Before employees can engage with advanced leadership concepts like vulnerability or purpose-driven work, they need the foundation pieces in place. Rachel discovered that people are looking for respect, trust, clear communication, and to feel seen and heard. These aren’t revolutionary concepts, yet they’re missing in countless workplaces.
“From a foundational principle, we’re all looking for the same thing. We’re all looking to be respected and seen and heard and communicated with, and we look to trust people, and I think there’s so much of that missing in Ian’s leadership,” Rachel notes. When these basics are absent, no amount of advanced leadership training will fix the disconnect between leaders and their teams.
This creates a critical insight for anyone in a business leadership role. The most common leadership mistake isn’t failing to inspire. It’s failing to establish the foundational elements that make inspiration possible in the first place.
When Rachel says she thought respect was a given, she’s expressing what most leaders feel. Of course we respect our employees. We hired them, we pay them, we trust them to do important work. How could respect not be automatic?
But here’s where perception and reality diverge. Leaders often equate respect with absence of disrespect. In other words, if we’re not actively being rude or dismissive, we assume respect is present. However, employees experience respect differently. They experience it through the accumulation of small daily interactions that either reinforce or undermine their sense of value within the organization.
Respect shows up in whether leaders remember what you told them last week. It appears in whether they interrupt you in meetings or let you finish your thoughts. It’s present when they respond to your emails within a reasonable timeframe instead of leaving you wondering if your input matters. These seemingly minor behaviors communicate volumes about whether someone is genuinely respected or merely tolerated.
The disconnect happens because leaders are focused on strategy, results, and moving initiatives forward, while employees are experiencing the relationship through these granular interactions. A leader might think they showed respect by including someone in a meeting, but if they spent that entire meeting on their laptop responding to other emails, the employee experienced something quite different. Nevertheless, the leader checks the “respect” box in their mind because they extended the invitation.
This gap between leadership intention and employee experience extends beyond respect into every aspect of workplace culture. It’s why organizations can invest heavily in corporate culture initiatives while employees still feel disconnected. The initiatives target outcomes, but culture is built through the accumulation of small, consistent behaviors that happen when no one’s watching.
For newer leaders especially, this can be disorienting. You might be working incredibly hard, caring deeply about your team’s success, and still hearing that people don’t feel respected. That feedback isn’t necessarily about your intentions. It’s about examining the gap between what you think you’re communicating through your actions and what your team is actually receiving.
The temptation in modern leadership is to jump straight to the concepts that sound impressive. We want to be vulnerable leaders who create psychologically safe environments where innovation thrives. We want to inspire purpose-driven work and build cultures of belonging. These are worthy goals, but they require something underneath them that makes them possible.
Rachel’s research revealed that employees need trust and clear communication before they can engage with deeper leadership concepts. This isn’t just a nice-to-have sequence. It’s a developmental requirement. You cannot build psychological safety in an environment where people don’t trust their leader’s basic competence or consistency. You cannot inspire innovation when team members aren’t sure they’ll be supported if their experiment fails.
Think of it like building a house. Vulnerability and purpose are the beautiful architectural details that make a house inspiring. But if the foundation is cracked, those details become irrelevant. The house won’t stand regardless of how stunning the design might be. Similarly, advanced leadership concepts cannot compensate for missing foundational elements.
Clear communication sits at the center of this foundation. Not the kind of communication that happens in quarterly all-hands meetings or carefully crafted company announcements. The daily, unglamorous communication that keeps people informed about what’s happening, why decisions are being made, and how their work connects to larger objectives. When this communication is absent or inconsistent, employees fill the gaps with their own narratives, which are almost always more negative than reality.
Trust develops through a different mechanism. It builds when leaders consistently do what they say they’ll do, when their actions match their stated values, and when they demonstrate basic competence in their role. Trust erodes when there’s inconsistency between words and actions, when priorities shift without explanation, or when leaders seem more concerned with managing up than supporting their teams.
The most powerful aspect of focusing on these foundations is that they create a ripple effect throughout the organization. When people feel respected, trusted, and clearly communicated with, they extend those same behaviors to their colleagues and direct reports. Teamwork improves not because of a team-building exercise but because the fundamental relational infrastructure is in place.
For leaders who have been focusing on advanced concepts, this research offers both a challenge and an opportunity. The challenge is to honestly assess whether your team has the foundational elements in place. The opportunity is that strengthening these foundations often requires changes in daily behavior rather than massive organizational overhauls.
When employees say they want to feel seen and heard, leaders sometimes interpret this as a request for constant attention or excessive validation. That misinterpretation can lead to dismissing the need as unrealistic or overly demanding. But Rachel’s research suggests something far more practical and achievable.
Feeling seen means that leaders notice your contributions, acknowledge your specific strengths, and recognize you as an individual rather than an interchangeable resource. It doesn’t require lengthy one-on-one meetings every week. It shows up in moments. A leader who remembers that you’re working on a certification mentions it when relevant opportunities arise. A manager who notices you’ve been handling a difficult project checks in genuinely, not just to get a status update.
Feeling heard operates differently. It means that when you raise a concern, share an idea, or provide feedback, something happens with that input. Not necessarily that every suggestion gets implemented, but that there’s a visible pathway between speaking up and some form of response. Even when the answer is no, employees feel heard when they understand why and see that their input was genuinely considered.
The absence of feeling seen and heard creates a specific kind of workplace frustration. It’s the feeling of being invisible, of your work disappearing into a void with no acknowledgment. It’s raising the same issue repeatedly and having it dismissed until a more senior person mentions it and suddenly it’s taken seriously. These experiences accumulate, creating disengagement that no amount of inspirational and motivational speeches can overcome.
Leaders who master making people feel seen and heard often do so through surprisingly simple practices. They take notes in meetings and reference previous conversations. They give credit specifically rather than generically, saying “Jane’s analysis of the customer data revealed this pattern” instead of “the team discovered.” They close the loop on feedback, returning to people with updates on what happened with their suggestion, even when months have passed.
This matters particularly in remote and hybrid environments where the casual interactions that used to create connection have largely disappeared. In an office, a leader might naturally notice that someone seems off and check in. They might overhear a great idea in a hallway conversation and follow up. Remote work requires making these interactions intentional rather than relying on proximity to create them.
What makes this challenging is that helping people feel seen and heard cannot be delegated or systematized away. It requires leaders to be genuinely present and attentive, which conflicts with the pressure to constantly multitask and maximize productivity. Yet this presence is precisely what employees are asking for when they say they want to feel seen and heard.
So what does it look like to build leadership from the foundation up rather than from the fancy concepts down? Rachel’s research points toward a practical framework that any leader can implement, regardless of their experience level or organizational position.
Start with respect as your baseline standard rather than your aspiration. This means examining your daily behaviors through the lens of whether they communicate value to the people you work with. Do you give people your full attention in meetings, or are you perpetually half-present? When someone asks you a question, do you respond as if it’s an interruption or as if it’s part of your job? These small choices compound into either a culture of respect or a culture of tolerance.
Build trust through consistency rather than grand gestures. Trust doesn’t come from team-building exercises or trust falls. It develops when leaders reliably do what they say they’ll do, when they’re consistent in their reactions and decisions, and when they demonstrate competence in their role. This means keeping your commitments, following through on promises, and when you cannot do something, being transparent about why rather than letting it quietly disappear.
Prioritize communication clarity over communication frequency. More communication doesn’t solve the problem if the communication itself is vague or contradictory. Leaders should focus on ensuring that every important message includes the what, why, and how it affects the people receiving it. Skip the corporate speak and say things directly. If priorities have shifted, explain why. If a decision seems to contradict previous direction, acknowledge that and provide context.
Make seeing and hearing people a daily practice rather than a quarterly initiative. This doesn’t require hours of additional time. It requires attention during the time you’re already spending with your team. Notice when someone does excellent work and say so specifically. When someone raises a concern, even if you cannot solve it immediately, acknowledge that you heard them and commit to following up. Track these follow-ups and actually do them.
Create space for feedback that flows in both directions. Leaders should regularly ask their teams what’s working and what isn’t, but only if they’re genuinely prepared to act on what they hear. Nothing destroys trust faster than asking for feedback, receiving it, and then doing nothing with it. If you’re not ready to hear certain feedback or act on certain suggestions, don’t ask yet. Build your capacity to respond first.
These foundations support every other customer experience initiative, innovation effort, or strategic priority you might have. When people feel respected, trusted, clearly communicated with, and genuinely seen and heard, they bring their best thinking and effort to their work. When these foundations are shaky, even the most talented teams underperform.
If you’re a newer leader who suddenly found yourself managing people, Rachel’s research offers reassurance. You don’t need to master advanced leadership concepts immediately. You don’t need to have all the answers or project unwavering confidence. You need to nail the basics consistently.
The challenge for new leaders is that the basics often feel too simple to focus on. We assume that respect, trust, and communication are automatic, so we focus our development energy on learning how to strategize, delegate, and inspire. But the people you’re leading aren’t experiencing your strategy sessions or your vision documents. They’re experiencing your daily interactions, your response time to their questions, your body language in meetings, and whether you remember what’s important to them.
New leaders often make the mistake of trying to prove their worth through their ideas and initiatives. They feel pressure to immediately demonstrate value by proposing changes or showing strategic thinking. However, your team is evaluating you on something more fundamental. Can they trust you? Do you respect their expertise? Will you communicate clearly with them? Do you see them as individuals?
The most effective approach for new leaders is to spend your first months primarily listening and observing. Have individual conversations with each team member not to set expectations but to understand what they need from you as a leader. Ask questions like “What did you appreciate about previous leaders you’ve worked with?” and “What makes it easy or difficult for you to do your best work?” Then actually incorporate what you learn into how you show up.
Establish credibility through reliability rather than brilliance. Follow through on small commitments before making big promises. If you tell someone you’ll get back to them by Friday, get back to them by Friday even if it’s just to say you need more time. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it directly rather than hoping no one noticed. These behaviors build trust faster than any amount of strategic genius.
Recognize that empowerment starts with getting out of people’s way. New leaders sometimes micromanage because they’re nervous or feel they need to prove they’re adding value. But experienced team members often need less direction and more support in removing obstacles. Ask people what they need from you rather than assuming you know what they should be doing.
If you’ve been leading for years, Rachel’s research might land differently. You might be thinking “I’ve been doing all these advanced leadership things, and they’re not working the way they should.” The research suggests you might need to audit your foundations rather than add more advanced techniques to your repertoire.
This can be a difficult message to receive. Experienced leaders have often invested heavily in their development, studying the latest research, attending leadership programs, and genuinely trying to be better. To hear that the issue might be foundational can feel like a step backward. But it’s not about your capability. It’s about whether your team is experiencing the basics you think you’re providing.
Consider running a simple diagnostic. Ask your team members individually for feedback on specific questions: “Do you feel respected in your role? Do you trust that I’ll do what I say I’ll do? Is communication from me clear and consistent? Do you feel seen and heard?” The specificity of these questions will get you more useful feedback than general “how am I doing as a leader?” inquiries.
Pay attention to what people repeatedly ask for. If your team keeps requesting more communication, that’s not because they’re unusually needy. It’s because they’re not getting the communication they need. If they keep asking whether they’re performing well, that’s a signal that your feedback isn’t landing clearly. When people ask for something specific repeatedly, they’re telling you exactly where a foundational element is missing.
Examine the gap between your intentions and your behaviors under pressure. Many leaders believe they’re respectful, communicative, and trustworthy because those are their values. But values only matter in how they show up in behavior, particularly when things are stressful. Do you still give people your full attention when you’re under deadline pressure? Do you still communicate clearly when you’re overwhelmed? Do you still follow through on commitments when your plate is full?
Consider whether your focus on advanced leadership concepts might be creating distance from your team. Leaders who emphasize vulnerability and authenticity sometimes create a dynamic where they’re constantly sharing their own feelings and experiences, which can paradoxically make the relationship less about the team member’s needs. The goal isn’t to perform leadership. It’s to create the conditions where your team can do excellent work.
Use Rachel’s research as permission to simplify your leadership approach. Instead of trying to implement five different leadership frameworks, focus relentlessly on the foundations. Show up consistently, communicate clearly, treat people with genuine respect, and make space to see and hear them. These simple behaviors, executed consistently, create more impact than any amount of sophisticated leadership technique applied inconsistently.
The implications of Rachel’s research extend beyond individual leadership development into how organizations think about personal development and leadership training. If employees across all generations are asking for respect, trust, clear communication, and to feel seen and heard, then organizations need to ensure their leadership development programs actually address these foundations rather than assuming they’re already in place.
Traditional leadership training often focuses on skills like strategic thinking, change management, or executive presence. These programs assume participants already have strong foundational relationships with their teams. But if Rachel’s research is representative, that assumption is flawed. Many leaders are trying to lead strategically while their teams are still waiting for basic relational needs to be met.
Organizations should consider auditing their leadership expectations. Are we asking leaders to accomplish too much operationally while also expecting them to build strong relationships with their teams? Have we created systems that inadvertently undermine respect and trust, such as forced ranking systems or metrics that pit team members against each other? Do our communication norms reward speed over clarity, creating confusion while claiming transparency?
The cost of ignoring these foundations shows up in engagement scores, turnover rates, and the subtle underperformance that happens when capable people don’t bring their best thinking to work. It appears in the talented employees who leave for opportunities that might pay less but where they feel more valued. It manifests in the initiatives that fail not because of poor strategy but because people don’t trust the leaders implementing them enough to engage fully.
Organizations that take this research seriously might reshape their approach to leadership development. Instead of starting with vision and strategy, start with relationship fundamentals. Teach leaders how to have genuine conversations, how to communicate with clarity, how to build trust through consistency, and how to make people feel valued. These aren’t soft skills. They’re the foundation skills that make everything else possible.
Consider implementing structures that support foundational leadership behaviors. Create expectations that leaders will have regular one-on-one conversations with their direct reports. Establish communication standards that require transparency about decisions and changes. Build accountability systems that measure whether leaders are following through on commitments, not just whether they’re hitting performance metrics.
The organizations that get this right create a competitive advantage that’s difficult to replicate. Culture built on solid leadership foundations attracts talent, retains high performers, and creates the conditions for innovation and risk-taking. People don’t leave organizations where they feel genuinely respected, trusted, clearly communicated with, and truly seen and heard, even when they receive offers for more money elsewhere.
When leaders focus on foundational elements, something interesting happens. The impact extends far beyond the immediate team. Employees who feel respected, trusted, and heard tend to extend those same behaviors to their colleagues, their direct reports if they have them, and even to customers and partners. The foundation creates a ripple effect throughout the organization and beyond.
This ripple matters particularly for organizations that emphasize customer experience. It’s nearly impossible for employees to provide exceptional customer experiences when they’re not receiving those same foundational elements from their leaders. How can someone make a customer feel valued and heard when they don’t feel valued and heard themselves? The external customer experience is largely a reflection of the internal employee experience.
Rachel’s work as Chief Connection Officer at Match Group connects directly to this principle. Organizations that help people form meaningful connections externally must first ensure their own employees are experiencing connection internally. The company’s ability to deliver on its customer promise depends on whether employees are working in an environment built on respect, trust, and genuine connection.
The ripple also affects innovation and problem-solving. Teams with strong foundational relationships share information more freely, challenge each other’s thinking more directly, and collaborate more effectively. When people trust their leader and each other, they’re willing to raise concerns early, admit mistakes quickly, and try unconventional approaches without fear. These behaviors are essential for innovation but impossible without the foundation in place.
Think about how this plays out in challenging situations. When a crisis hits, teams with solid foundations respond more effectively because they can communicate directly, trust each other’s expertise, and work together without the friction of unresolved relational issues. Teams without these foundations spend crisis moments navigating interpersonal dynamics and second-guessing each other instead of focusing on the problem at hand.
The storytelling within organizations changes when foundations are strong. Instead of stories about dysfunction, politics, and frustration, employees tell stories about challenges they overcame together, leaders who supported them through difficult situations, and moments when they felt genuinely valued. These stories shape how new employees understand the culture and what behaviors are valued and rewarded.
For leaders who commit to building strong foundations, the return on investment compounds over time. The initial effort to establish respect, trust, clear communication, and genuine seeing and hearing pays dividends continuously. It becomes easier to lead, easier to implement change, easier to maintain engagement, and easier to attract and retain talent. The foundations don’t require constant rebuilding once they’re established, though they do require ongoing maintenance through consistent behavior.
Rachel DeAlto’s research reveals a gap between what organizations think leadership should focus on and what employees actually need. The solution isn’t abandoning advanced leadership concepts. It’s ensuring the foundational elements are genuinely in place before building on top of them. Respect, trust, clear communication, and helping people feel seen and heard aren’t prerequisites to leadership. They are leadership.
The path forward requires honesty about where foundations might be shaky in your own leadership practice. It means examining the gap between your intentions and your behaviors, particularly under pressure. It involves asking your team for specific feedback about whether they’re experiencing the basics you think you’re providing. And it requires the discipline to focus on simple, consistent behaviors rather than constantly seeking the next innovative leadership approach.
For meeting professionals and event planners specifically, this research has particular relevance. Your work requires coordinating complex logistics while managing relationships with stakeholders who have competing priorities and high expectations. The pressure can lead to transactional interactions that skip over the relational foundations that make collaboration effective. Taking time to ensure your teams feel respected, trusted, clearly communicated with, and genuinely seen and heard isn’t a distraction from getting work done. It’s what makes getting work done possible.
The beauty of focusing on foundations is that it’s accessible to every leader regardless of title, budget, or organizational support. You don’t need approval to treat people with respect. You don’t need a training budget to communicate clearly. You don’t need executive sponsorship to follow through on your commitments. These behaviors are entirely within your control, starting today.
Rachel’s work continues to challenge leaders to look past the fashionable leadership concepts and ask whether they’re delivering on the basics. Her programs help leaders and teams understand themselves, their relationships, and their impact on others, building from the foundation up rather than from the advanced concepts down. The framework works because it starts with what people actually need rather than what leadership books say they should want.
The leadership lessons from TED speakers like Rachel consistently emphasize that connection matters more than perfection, that foundations matter more than flash, and that consistency matters more than occasional brilliance. These aren’t just inspiring ideas. They’re practical frameworks that any leader can implement immediately.
Your team isn’t waiting for you to become a perfect leader. They’re waiting for you to consistently deliver on the basics that make them feel valued, trusted, informed, and seen. When you get those right, everything else becomes easier. When you skip over them to focus on more advanced concepts, nothing else quite works the way it should. The choice isn’t between being a basic leader or an advanced one. It’s between being an effective leader or an ineffective one, and effectiveness starts with getting the foundations right.
The insights from Rachel’s research create an opportunity for immediate action. You don’t need to wait for organizational change or additional resources. You can start strengthening your leadership foundations with the very next interaction you have with your team.
Consider implementing a simple weekly practice. Identify one person on your team each week who you’ll intentionally focus on making feel seen and heard. This doesn’t mean scheduling extra meetings. It means being fully present in the interactions you already have with that person, remembering what matters to them, and following up on previous conversations. After doing this for several weeks, you’ll have strengthened relationships across your entire team through deliberate attention rather than dramatic changes.
Audit your communication patterns over the next month. Before sending each important message, ask yourself whether it includes the what, why, and how it affects the recipients. Track how often you close the loop on feedback or questions people raise. Notice whether your team is asking the same questions repeatedly, which signals that your communication isn’t landing with the clarity you intend.
Evaluate your consistency by examining your follow-through. For one week, write down every commitment you make, no matter how small. “I’ll get back to you on that.” “Let me check and I’ll let you know.” “I’ll look into that issue.” Then actually track whether you follow through. This simple audit often reveals gaps between intentions and actions that erode trust without leaders realizing it.
Schedule individual conversations with each team member using Rachel’s research as a framework. Ask them directly: “Do you feel respected in your role? Is communication from me clear and consistent? Do you trust that I’ll do what I say? Do you feel seen and heard?” The specificity of these questions will get you actionable feedback. More importantly, asking them demonstrates that you care about the foundational elements, which itself begins strengthening them.
For organizations looking to implement these insights more broadly, consider bringing in expertise that can help leaders at all levels strengthen their foundational behaviors. Rachel’s programs combine research, practical frameworks, and the kind of energy that makes development engaging rather than just another training requirement. Her approach helps leaders understand not just what they should do differently but why it matters and how to actually implement changes in their daily work.
The media attention Rachel has received, from Good Morning America to her appearances on Married at First Sight, reflects how hungry people are for practical relationship and leadership guidance that actually works. Her social media presence provides ongoing access to research updates and practical takeaways that you can incorporate into your leadership practice between development sessions.
Remember that leadership development isn’t a destination. It’s an ongoing practice of examining the gap between your intentions and your impact, then closing that gap through consistent behavior changes. The foundations Rachel’s research reveals aren’t things you implement once and then move past. They’re the ongoing work of leadership that creates everything else you’re trying to accomplish.
The disconnect between advanced leadership training and basic employee needs has been quietly undermining organizations for years. Rachel DeAlto’s research finally names what many employees have felt but struggled to articulate. They don’t need leaders who can deliver inspiring speeches about purpose and vision while failing to deliver on respect and trust. They need leaders who consistently show up with the foundational behaviors that make people feel valued, informed, and genuinely seen.
If you’re ready to strengthen your leadership foundations, start by honestly assessing where gaps might exist between what you intend and what your team experiences. Then commit to the consistent, unglamorous work of closing those gaps through daily behavior changes. The most powerful leadership moves aren’t the most visible ones. They’re the accumulation of small, consistent behaviors that communicate respect, build trust, provide clarity, and make people feel genuinely valued.
Whether you’re planning your next event, managing a complex project, or leading a growing team, the principles from Rachel’s research apply. Build from the foundation up. Focus on the basics before the advanced concepts. Measure your success not by your intentions but by what your team actually experiences. Leadership that lasts starts with getting the fundamentals right, then maintaining them consistently regardless of pressure or circumstance.
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